So maybe it´s not so easy...

So here's the basic update:
My womens soccer team got new uniforms. They are pink with our names on the back and totally cute. The only thing is that I am “Kristel” instead of “Kristen.” But hey, it's close enough for me and easier to pronounce in Spanish. I head down the mountain most weekends to travel with them to surrounding villages for games and it's a blast. Although it is far less organized than my soccer teams in the States, the pure zest for competition is the same, and my undeniable desire to win is most definitely respected among Ticos.

September 15th was Costa Rica Independence Day. The school children of each village pass a torch from one school to another representing the passing of liberation of the Central American countries. I did the hike with the kids in the early morning hours when the school kids of Los Angeles passed the flame to us. In the evening of this celebrated day was the march of the faroles. They are basically like New Mexican luminarias, but far more extravagant and they are made to be carried. People design all kinds of different shapes with amazing drawings, cutouts, and designs. Then they all march through the village with the candles within each farole lighting the way singing Costa Rican songs.

The women's group held a party for the Day of the Elderly on October 7th. We invited all the elderly members of the community for a luncheon, had a raffle to give away prizes and also nominated a “king” and “queen” to wear crowns and represent the group. It was wonderful to get some of the older members of the community out of their homes for some fun.

And now for the personal update:
The initial vacation feel has faded rapidly these last couple months. Everyone knows you can't be loved by everyone, but unfortunately I feel my job description pressures me to fulfill this lofty goal. I feel plowed over by cultural norms that I just can't adapt to, expectations that I just can't meet, and a feeling of helplessness in that I'm simply not the savior that seems to be expected. Where did this idea that Peace Corps volunteers are some kind of experts come from? We are twenty-something recent college grads with liberal arts degrees and a zest for life. We are experts in all-night study sessions, last minute thesis-writing, and multi-tasking. I don't know anything about orchids, coffee farming, paper machete art and a host of other things that are a way of life here both in work and hobbies.

I try to stay positive; both about the project possibilities here as well as about my own self worth. I know I'm a good organizer. That's part of the reason I am a rural community development volunteer. But wow is it hard to organize here. I planned a meeting Peace Corps calls a FODA in which an assessment of challenges, problems, positives, and hopes for the community are established through a host of different exercises with community members. I walked to every single house in my 156 person community to hand deliver invitations and give a little overview of what it would be about. Out of the 156 people, 21 showed up in total, 13 of which showed up on time, and 3 of which showed up in the last 15 minutes of the hour-long meeting. This is only one example of this community's atmosphere for organizing.

I know I'm idealistic. I mean, I think idealism is pretty much a feature of Peace Corps volunteers. If one follows pure logic, it is far too easy to slip into the pit of cynicism. But I guess I had this idea of what it would be to enter into a community who asked for me, went through all the paperwork and phone calls to receive an outsider to come in with new ideas and passions. This idea included people being passionate about events and activities that I planned, advertised, and specifically invited them to. It doesn't matter that during training we were told numerous times that everything is harder than that, that this culture is passive and non-active, and that everything takes longer to accomplish.

It's like this strange middle region of existence. I feel the pressure to accomplish things to show that I am useful and that I was sent here for a reason. At the same time I feel like I am unable to accomplish anything because I am a foreigner in this place, new to the laws, the customs, the norms and I therefore am simply unaware of how to motivate organization. It's as if all my education, my experiences, everything written in my resume and all my deeply thought out theories on life are void in this rural jungle village.

Patience is key I realize. Both with myself, this place, and specific community members. I have been in my site for almost 5 months. In the grand scheme of things this is only a blip on the time line and I can't expect myself to have established the confidence and relationships necessary to make huge changes so quickly.